Wednesday, May 21, 2014

14 weeks

All goals start with a possibility. A thought. I wonder if...

I vividly remember the conversation I had a few years ago. My friend was talking about how her boyfriend was going to run a half marathon. I remembering wondering why? What drove him to sign up to run for 2hr?? Why would someone pay for that experience? I just couldn't relate. I remember thinking I could never do something like that.

Never say never right!?

I'm not sure exactly when my perspective shifted from "never" to "I wonder if..."

For the past 8 years I've run on again off again. My streaks would usually last a couple months. Then the weather would get bad, I'd lose motivation, my energy would drop... But I kept coming back. When I started I couldn't run for 5 min without stopping to take a break.

Sometime last fall everything changed. My runs became less of a struggle. I started to enjoy myself. After I felt really good. My day went better. I could handle stress better. I slept better. I was happier.

That feeling of happiness is why I signed up for the SeaWheeze... and it looks like a super fun party :-)

I usually shy away from things that I'm not naturally good at. I think most people do. Running has always been a challenge for me. But I keep going and I keep getting better.

Goals take work. Every day counts. It takes daily discipline to stay focused... I need to work on this. To just stick with my plan and consistently eat healthy so I have energy for my runs. Keeping that finish line in mind helps to make good decisions in that moment of temptation, but it still takes effort.

Something that stands in my way - my energy levels. Actually my perception of my energy levels. For years I struggled with fatigue. I spent a lot of time on the couch comforting myself with food. Getting a handle on my IBS situation, monitoring my iron levels and balancing my nutrition have changed my life. But as soon as I feel tired I go back to old coping mechanisms, telling myself I'm too tired to run. As long as I eat well and hydrate I'll have the energy to get through.

I need to let go of the strings that tie me to the past...

where I was the fat girl who couldn't...

who was too tired and afraid to try because what if she failed?

I don't need to worry. I'm not that girl anymore.... and the couch will be waiting for me when I get home.

In 14 weeks I'll be running 13.1 miles. It won't be easy. But that's okay.

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